On Behaving Badly

G-rex was in trouble at school this week. I'm sure he'd be mortified if he knew I posted that here... but there it is. He was distracted, unfocused and ... downright rude.

I was utterly astonished.

I know no kid is a saint. Lord knows I wasn't. But it is so unlike Grayson to be any kind of discipline problem at all that I was completely bamboozled. And, naturally, like any good mom I assume that it's my fault.

Truly, one of the pitfalls of single parenting an only child is a blurring of the line between Adult and Kid. Most of the time Grayson and I live a pretty symbiotic lifestyle. There's not a lot of structure, and because I know him so well, maybe I let him say or do things that get him in trouble outside in the Real World where the line is harder.

This first manifested itself in troubles over language. Not that Grayson was using foul language. He doesn't (hasn't) pushed it that far. But he was watching these online videos featuring a comedian who used pretty bad language. Even when I was married, we didn't really try to protect G from curse words too much, we just made it abundantly clear that there were words he was not to use. We've really never had any problem with it.

I told him that there were circumstances in which cursing was appropriate, and when those circumstances arose, I expected him to curse accurately and with feeling. So, when he stubs his toe, for example, or loses all the data on his video game, he asks me "can I say a bad word?" and when I've granted permission, he utters a lusty "Shit!"

It makes me so proud.

But apparently he told one of his classmates about the aforementioned videos and the classmate got into trouble for looking them up. Whoops. He of course told his folks that Grayson told him about them, and now said classmate is not allowed to come over to my house.

This, too, is my fault.

But I digress. The problem of the rudeness is a new one, and though I think our peculiar relationship may have something to do with it, I don't think it's really the root cause. I don't know what it is. Maybe my boy is just reaching pre-adolescence and beginning to question authority?

Whatever the cause, I came down on him like a ton of bricks for it. I sat him down and read him the riot act and told him he would apologize to his teachers and straighten up and fly right. So far it seems to have made an improvement. Time will tell if it sticks.

It's hard to believe that my sweet little boy, who still likes to climb into my lap and hold my hand, will soon be a sullen, grumpy adolescent. I hope we both get through it okay. It scares the bejeezus out of me. I am a haphazard mom under the best of circumstances, I fear. And if things got tough, I'm not sure what I would do. I have no system in place for maintaining discipline because frankly, I've never had to. I tell Grayson if he needs to do something and he does it. If he whines I say "uh huh. Too bad. Do it." and he does it. I haven't experienced any kind of back-talk since he was three. If I scold him, he crumbles into tears and climbs into my lap to apologize. He spoils me rotten. If he certainly turns into the Bad Seed I'll be completely and utterly at a loss.

Not, as I said, that my child is an angel. He's just sensitive and eager to please for the most part. He also, however, doesn't get much asked of him. His chores are minimal, and I don't put a lot of heavy expectations on him. Maybe I should. But I don't.

The world is full of things you should do with or for your kids. Eat dinner together (does a meal on our laps in front of the television count?), limit TV time (is it okay if it's on but nobody's really watching it?); practice saving, spending and donating to charity (most weeks I forget even to give him his allowance, and he doesn't even notice); get involved with sports (gag) or some community activity (I'm sure we'll get around to that.... someday); be the adult (remember that thing about Grayson asking me if I wanted him to send me to my room?).

The one thing I can say I've been an unequivocal success at is loving him without condition. In that, at least, I've never faltered. Nor ever will. I comfort myself with that. one. thing.