Yesterday I got Grayson's Physical Education "report card" from school. Apparently they take records of the kids' ability in various exercises, such as curl-ups, pull-ups, quarter mile run, etc. at the beginning of the year and the kids are asked to set goals for what they'll be able to do at the end of the year. Then in the spring, they put them through their paces again and record the results.
Grayson's numbers actually got WORSE.... in EVERY category. Oh, except for pull-ups. He couldn't do any of those at the beginning of the year and couldn't do any at the end, either, so there's a net zero on that one. WTF? Looks like here is yet another thing I need to worry about. Clearly I'm not getting my kid enough exercise. OK, or myself either.
I read in a magazine this morning that the Obamas allow no television for their girls during the week. None. Man, Grayson is jacked into the TV or the computer from the moment he gets home ... sometimes both. It's on until I make him turn it off for reading time at 8:30.
I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. It started when I attended the funeral of my great uncle Don Lynn last Tuesday and the minister talked about the principles by which Don had lived his life. I sat there and thought: "are there principles by which I live? Or am I just flying by the seat of my pants here?" I couldn't think of anything I "believe" in or that I use as some sort of touch stone for my actions and choices. I couldn't name any "principles" I keep in the forefront of my mind.
Then there were the chickens and the irony of the animal I had taken in as an act of kindness killing the animals I had taken on as a gesture toward greener, more natural living. Sorry, but the predator/prey relationship was a little closer to nature than I was aiming. I wondered if I was stupid or just naive... if I had taken on too much, if I made sensible choices in my life.
The disappearance of Mambo made me question my sanity. Wasn't he right there a minute ago? Am I nuts? Then I started looking at my own levels of responsibility, of focus. Surely I knew better than to take my eyes off of him. I would have expected Grayson to watch him outside, wouldn't I? I began to think of myself as uncommitted to my responsibilities, unable to follow through thoroughly on things. And I admit I wondered if all the bad luck was some sort of karmic payback for just not living right. Living sloppily, haphazardly, without discipline or guideposts or plan.
Now here's Grayson's PE report card showing he's actually losing strength and ability and stamina. Giving up earlier, not trying as hard. Are these things he is learning from his mother? Have I just given in? I admit I feel tired all the time. I fall into bed exhausted at 9 and drag myself unwillingly from sleep at 7. I wash loads of laundry and never get around to folding them. Lately I even start books and never finish them... just keep them lying around on tables with bookmarks or pencils in the pages, holding the page I may or may not ever get around to coming back to.
I think we need an overhaul... a life makeover. I think if I don't change the direction I'm going, I'm going to wind up where I'm headed.
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