Back to the Real World

It's Friday. I've been back at work for a week. Just now able to lift my head up enough to think.

Generally, January is a slow month. Everyone is coming down off the holiday high, and things haven't ramped up yet for the spring semester, so it's usually a good slow time to get some filing done, make plans for the months ahead, and ease into working full-tilt again. But not this year. This year we are balls-to-the-wall from the first day back. Not sure what the difference is, but there's a definite difference.

We've also been handed a new project. By "we," I mean my tiny department of two people. We have recently been put in charge of Corporate Sponsorships.

The museum recently lost its so-called Development Officer. I say "so-called" because she was obliged to wear many hats, and though her title was Development, it ended up not being her primary focus. Anyway, in her absence, bits of her former job have been farmed out, and lucky us, we got Corporate Sponsors. Now I have not a clue about corporate sponsorships. I have no development experience or training outside of the annual visit to the Oklahoman and Cox Media for media sponsorships of special exhibitions. I've never had to go in and ask anyone for money before. So I'll be learning a few things this year. I'm a little queasy about it, but also a little excited. It's good to learn new things, take on new projects ... and things were getting a bit stale. So... off we go, into the great unknown wastelands of corporate fundraising. I'll keep you posted.

It was a real relief to get back to work. The holidays were lovely... all that unexpected snow on Christmas Eve, and the subsequent long lazy week during which Grayson was with his dad in OKC and I had the days and nights all to myself. I read books, cooked, futzed around. But after a few days of that, I begin to get a bit bored and then I tend to get depressed, so it was good to get back in the saddle again.

Trying to make good on my New Year's resolutions to Do Everything Right. I managed to get Grayson to school on time every day this week. We went through the school lunch calendar together and marked the days on which he will want me to pack a lunch for him. I started a diet last Saturday and have maintained it all week, with the help of a little iPhone app called "Lose It". Sadly, I have no scale, so I have no idea if I've lost any weight or not. We'll go ahead and believe that I have. When I buy a scale I'll let you know.

Also this week I went to the first in a series of workshops called DivorceCare. It's a 13 week program put on by the First Baptist Church in Moore. I was apprehensive that it might be way too God-Squad for me, and promised myself that the first time I was asked to accept Jesus as my personal Savior I was out the door. But it wasn't too bad in that direction. There was some talk about putting God at the center and maintaining your "Moral Values" during the rocky times just after your divorce. Advice sadly received waaaaaay too late in my case.... But the people leading the program are not too preachy, and it seems like there are a lot of decent people in the group, so I'll go back for a second round.

If nothing else it was some comfort to see that there are so many who are also dealing with post-divorce issues. Some of them in a lot worse shape than me. After a year, I am way better than I was. I'm better now even than I was three months ago, though I know I have plenty of issues still. Sometimes it's just hard to throw off that victim mentality, to get over feeling unlovable. Grayson brought home his new digital camera from his dad's last weekend and when I went through and looked at the pictures, there was a photo of my ex with his girlfriend. She's got to be under 30... blonde, pretty, bland-looking. I just felt old and fat and ugly and rejected. I was useless for the rest of the day, in spite of all the little pep talks I gave myself about how funny and smart and interesting I am. So I'm not out of the woods yet. But there are people in that divorce group who have been divorced for three to five years and are still struggling. I don't see me being in that group two years from now. I know I'm more resilient than that.

Incidentally, earlier this week I got an email from G telling me that he had broken up with her. She was "extremely selfish, needy and insecure" and also that she didn't know how to relate to Grayson. How could anyone not relate to Grayson? He's the world's most approachable, sweet and friendly kid! Can't say I'm sorry they broke up.

Whoops, See what I mean? Issues. Sheesh.