Well, despite my best efforts, Grayson’s goldfish, Lenny, Zach and Speckles, all expired this week. Zach died mid-week, Lenny yesterday afternoon, and Speckles went to the great aquarium in the sky only this morning. Grayson is with my folks at the lake, and so is – at present – blissfully ignorant of these latest two deaths. Lenny will be a particularly hard blow. We’ve had Lenny for more than a year.The truth is, this is the second time Lenny has died. Lenny… the first and original Lenny… died when we made the move to the apartment. The change to a new tank got him. But under the stressful circumstances at the time, I just couldn’t bear to tell Grayson that, on top of everything else, his fish had died… so I scurried to the pet store and picked up a lookalike, which I installed in Lenny’s tank before Grayson got home from school.
This time I’m not sure how to handle it. I would love to be able to find another Lenny, another Speckles, and protect him again from the loss of his pets. But I don’t think I can this time. He knew the fish were ill, and though we were doing massive water changes, adding salt, and hoping for the best… it didn’t look good for them. And I don’t think I have time to correct the water problems we were having in time to make a healthy home for a new Lenny. So when he gets home on Sunday, I will have to tell him. This after I spent $30 on Thursday buying water test strips and a goldfish book, trying desperately to save these 38 cent fish.
Today, insanely, I will go back to the fish store and buy a new filter for the tank, and then replace all the water and set it up so it can be clean and safe and ready to receive the next pair of fish. Because I know that, though it will break his heart to learn of Lenny’s death… and he’ll cry and break MY heart… when the tears are dried, he’ll want to get a new fish. This is how we got ourselves into this problem to begin with. Lenny’s long time companion, Popeye, died a couple of weeks ago. And Grayson cried, and then after a few days he wanted a new friend for Lenny. I guess in the process of adding new fish, I tipped the delicate scales of biological balance in the tank, and everything went to hell.
Pets are a constant reminder of the fragility and impermanence of life. I suppose this is a good thing, in a way. Pets die and kids begin to understand that everyone dies, even those we love. Even ourselves. We have seen many dogs, cats, butterflies, tadpoles, turtles ducks and fish pass on to other, unknown dimensions. It is never easy. But maybe it is okay. Someday he will lose a person he loves dearly. Someday – god willing – he will lose us. I say god willing because the reverse is unthinkable, unbearable.
Meanwhile, I bravely (if perhaps foolishly) continue to populate our lives with animals. Our current count is three dogs, one bearded dragon who continues to eat me out of house and home, and anywhere up to 100 crickets at a time (though perhaps they don’t count because they are so fleeting).
At least Mambo is thriving. He’s getting pretty big, though I know he’s barely an adolescent, and has a lot of growing still to do. You can see from these pictures the rate at which is getting bigger. I think he’s quite handsome… with his orange and brown stripes and his bright orange eyes. He’s very alert when he wants to be, and can be so still you would think he was stuffed if you didn’t know better. Grayson continues to take an interest in him, which makes me glad. I was afraid he would be a passing fancy. But G
takes him out and holds him every evening, and I admit it’s fun to watch him catch and eat his crickets. He’s quite the predator.Roxy is still nuts, but she’s a sweet sort of nuts. I have just resigned myself to a certain amount of mess and damage for as long as she’s with us. I’ll try to keep it in check, and then just pay for repairs when she’s gone. I’ll have to replace three screens and possibly a door. And I’ll have to sand down and refinish a windowsill and the door frame to Grayson’s room. But every time I get an email from Roxy’s human mom, it is so full of gratitude that I can’t be irritated by it.
Roxy has adopted a blanket as her own recently, and she drags it around like Linus. When she goes outside, she drags it out, if I don’t get to her and snatch it away in time. She lies on the floor with it, gradually chewing it to bits. She carries it from room to room and teases the other dogs into tug-of-war matches with it. It’s pretty sweet, actually. Even though I am obliged to go around every day and pick up the bits she has chewed off of it.
Rain today. It’s a great excuse to sit inside and veg out. Work has been crazy busy. I’ve suddenly been put in charge of Corporate Sponsorship… an area in which I have no experience whatever. We are up to our ears in projects and deadlines, as well. Newsletter stories, annual report, grant budgets, advertisements, promotional partnerships, design projects, and now a formal presentation to give to the entire staff about what we’ve been doing over the past year. Oh, and annual performance reviews due next week. But today it is raining and I have a fresh pot of very black coffee. The dogs are snoozing comfortably on the sofas and carpet around me. Mambo’s in his vivarium, and all is right with the world.
