After less than a week of having Grayson home, I was obliged to pack him up on Friday and send him off again with his dad. On Saturday he boarded a plane in Dallas and flew to New Mexico, where he met G mom for a few days with his cousins. I talked to him this morning and, though he'd left me a somewhat pitiful message at bedtime the night before, it sounds like he's having a terrific time.
Meanwhile I find myself with another week of free time on my hands. I could, of course, be using this time to accomplish any number of needed tasks: mowing the lawn would be a good idea. There are weeds to pull. The toilet needs scrubbing, and there are still a few boxes in the garage that I haven't unpacked. But I'm not. I'm lying on the sofa reading books, when I'm not sleeping or watching reruns of "House." Pitiful.
Today, to redeem myself somewhat I got on my bike and went for a ride. This is something I find really enjoyable that I could not have done with such pleasure in OKC. Norman is such a quiet town, and the side streets are virtually empty during the dinner hour. Even tooling down Berry Road was no problem, though it's more fun to take the neighborhood streets where there are no cars swinging wide to get around you. Riding in Norman reminds me of when I was a kid. The smell of cut grass, kids on bikes, dads out mowing lawns, barbecue smoke. It smells like home. I guess you never get away from that feel of your suburban childhood.
It makes me glad to have moved here... glad that Grayson will grow up in that environment as well... not the semi-urban jungle of mid-town OKC, where there are panhandlers walking just a block from his house and police helicopters cruising low over the neighborhood at night. I would never have let Grayson walk six blocks to school by himself in OKC. Here, I won't think a thing about it, just hustle him out the door. My bike has been parked on the front porch unlocked for two weeks, unmolested, and what's more, the kids' bikes in the yard in the house across the street are practically on the curb, and remain there, day and night. At the old house, before G moved out he got his bike stolen from inside the fence, and all his cds stolen from inside the Trooper. It's a different world.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Good News and Bad News
The good news is I'm feeling much cheerier about life and less snippy with everyone these days. The bad news is that I got my bloodwork back from the Doc today and I'm showing up positive for lupus.
Now, there's no one test that definitively diagnoses lupus, so it's not a sure thing. But whatever it is, it ain't good news for my poor old joints. Doc is getting me set up to see a rheumatologist to get a confirmation and set me up on a course of treatment. If it IS lupus, it's manageable, not curable, and likely to worsen over time, but not kill me. If I'm a very good girl, and do what the doctors tell me to do, it's unlikely to be "what gets me," as the doctor put it.
In a way, it's a relief. Not a great diagnosis, I'll admit, but at least we know it's something definable, not just pain. Pain from a cause, even one doctors don't understand and can't cure, is at least something on the map, and I know I'm not nuts. There's a reason why I'm bruising too easily, sleeping too much, can't remember things, and hurt all over. Hopefully there are ways to manage and overcome the worst of the ill effects of the disease and I'll live to be an annoying old woman.
My kidneys are doing fine, and I have no skin symptoms, as some lupus patients do, so for now at least, it's just attacking my joints. Flare ups can be caused by stress, which god knows I've had plenty of this year, so it' s not surprising that it would manifest itself now. And from what it looks like, in the limited on-line reading I've done, the medications are not too horrible. I hopefully won't have to take a steroid, because my symptoms are not really all that severe and my organs aren't involved. Anyway... that's my hope. We'll have to wait until I can see the specialist.
The only thing that really concerns me is the memory loss. It's good to know I'm not imagining this, but not good to know that loss of cognitive function is an active symptom in my case. Some people don't have this. I clearly do. I've written it off to emotional stress, but I think it's more likely a symptom of the disease. That scares me. I don't want to lose my memory, or not be able to concentrate. I'll sure be quizzing the doctor about how to slow down that process.
On a brighter note... I get to bring my boy home tomorrow! I'm so missing him. I just want to lock ourselves up in our little house and snuggle on the sofa and eat pizza and watch TV all weekend. I can hardly wait to see him!
I got a postcard from him yesterday:
"HI Camp's been going good ecxept for this. Coperhead snakes! But luckly I hav'nt been bitten."
: )
Yes, luckly indeed, my dear funny boy. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll have him home again!
Now, there's no one test that definitively diagnoses lupus, so it's not a sure thing. But whatever it is, it ain't good news for my poor old joints. Doc is getting me set up to see a rheumatologist to get a confirmation and set me up on a course of treatment. If it IS lupus, it's manageable, not curable, and likely to worsen over time, but not kill me. If I'm a very good girl, and do what the doctors tell me to do, it's unlikely to be "what gets me," as the doctor put it.
In a way, it's a relief. Not a great diagnosis, I'll admit, but at least we know it's something definable, not just pain. Pain from a cause, even one doctors don't understand and can't cure, is at least something on the map, and I know I'm not nuts. There's a reason why I'm bruising too easily, sleeping too much, can't remember things, and hurt all over. Hopefully there are ways to manage and overcome the worst of the ill effects of the disease and I'll live to be an annoying old woman.
My kidneys are doing fine, and I have no skin symptoms, as some lupus patients do, so for now at least, it's just attacking my joints. Flare ups can be caused by stress, which god knows I've had plenty of this year, so it' s not surprising that it would manifest itself now. And from what it looks like, in the limited on-line reading I've done, the medications are not too horrible. I hopefully won't have to take a steroid, because my symptoms are not really all that severe and my organs aren't involved. Anyway... that's my hope. We'll have to wait until I can see the specialist.
The only thing that really concerns me is the memory loss. It's good to know I'm not imagining this, but not good to know that loss of cognitive function is an active symptom in my case. Some people don't have this. I clearly do. I've written it off to emotional stress, but I think it's more likely a symptom of the disease. That scares me. I don't want to lose my memory, or not be able to concentrate. I'll sure be quizzing the doctor about how to slow down that process.
On a brighter note... I get to bring my boy home tomorrow! I'm so missing him. I just want to lock ourselves up in our little house and snuggle on the sofa and eat pizza and watch TV all weekend. I can hardly wait to see him!
I got a postcard from him yesterday:
"HI Camp's been going good ecxept for this. Coperhead snakes! But luckly I hav'nt been bitten."
: )
Yes, luckly indeed, my dear funny boy. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll have him home again!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Free at Last
Ladies and gentlemen....
Dear Friends.
As of today I have officially severed the last shred of paperwork that bound me to to ex husband. Okay, besides the divorce decree, child support agreement and the fact that we have a child in common. Otherwise, I have washed that man right out of my hair.
Yesterday I finalized the loan that paid off my part of the last remaining joint debt. Yes, I still owe a shitload of money... but I don't owe it to him.
Today I refinanced my car in my name only and G signed the title over. It's officially mine, all mine. All 93,000 miles of it. God bless its little red heart.
I used the additional loan money to pay off one of my personal credit cards and put a significant dent in what was owed on the other. So now my feet touch bottom again, financially, for the first time in many many months.
Though it's a symbolic thing, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from me. Not having anything I have to share with G, with the notable exception of Grayson himself, helps me put "my behind in my past" as Pumba says in The Lion King. I feel like I can start moving and looking in the same direction... no longer moving forward, looking back.
Dear Friends.
As of today I have officially severed the last shred of paperwork that bound me to to ex husband. Okay, besides the divorce decree, child support agreement and the fact that we have a child in common. Otherwise, I have washed that man right out of my hair.
Yesterday I finalized the loan that paid off my part of the last remaining joint debt. Yes, I still owe a shitload of money... but I don't owe it to him.
Today I refinanced my car in my name only and G signed the title over. It's officially mine, all mine. All 93,000 miles of it. God bless its little red heart.
I used the additional loan money to pay off one of my personal credit cards and put a significant dent in what was owed on the other. So now my feet touch bottom again, financially, for the first time in many many months.
Though it's a symbolic thing, it feels like a huge weight has been lifted from me. Not having anything I have to share with G, with the notable exception of Grayson himself, helps me put "my behind in my past" as Pumba says in The Lion King. I feel like I can start moving and looking in the same direction... no longer moving forward, looking back.
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