Motivation Needed

School started again today.  Thank god. I enjoy the holidays, but I begin to spiral down into a glob of inert goo without enough structure in my life.  If left to my own devices, I'm sure I would just lie on the sofa and watch Dr. Who and never do anything at all.

No, actually, I'd alternate episodes of Dr. Who with chapters from the big ol' pile of books waiting to be read. No housekeeping or shopping would get done, that's for sure.  And my child-rearing would go all to hell.

Case in Point:

Last weekend G was with his dad, who got him a Ripstik for Christmas.  That's the skateboard-like thingy with two wheels that you mogate by moving your feet back and forth.  It looks like a lot of fun, but clearly takes some practice to get the hang of.  G had requested one for Christmas, and I can't really blame his dad for being skeptical.  My son's not a real go-getter physically.  He's bright, funny, charming, mature, articulate, creative, etc.  But he'll never be captain of any sports team. Anyway... his dad got it for him, which was nice, that he didn't pre-judge and just write it off as something the kid would never actually DO. He gave him the benefit of the doubt. And, like me, he was thinking maybe it would be something that would encourage him to get outside, unplug, and do something physical.

After Christmas, G and I went out one afternoon for him to try it out, and he met with some modicum of success:  enough to make me believe he could eventually learn to ride the thing.  But that was just one day, and after that one attempt, he didn't go out with it again.  The call of the computer, new games, and long lazy afternoons of watching Youtube videos was just too great.  And frankly, I was ill inclined to make him go.  Screw it.

But his dad asked that G bring the ripstik to his place for the weekend, and he actually made the kid go outside and practice.  I don't know how long they spent at it, but he sent me some video of G on the stik, having success, wiggling his way into view from down the street.

I was proud of my boy, and glad his dad had taken the initiative and gotten him out there.  But I still felt like a crappy mom.

I have to admit that I'm a type B Minus personality.  I let things slide. I procrastinate. I make do.

When my parents came to visit over Christmas, my poor dad, who's a type A Plus, bustled around DOING things for a week.  Buying lightbulbs, fixing doors, tinkering with things. I appreciate his kindness and his effort, and his desire to help me, to make things better for me. But it wears me out.

I get my motivation is brief bursts, I can't maintain it. I might suddenly get a spark of inspiration and bathe all the dogs, or clean out a closet, or wash and wax the car.  But I don't keep that part of my brain juiced up to operate all the time.  I don't go "Hey, this lock is sticky, I'll go get some WD 40 and fix it."  I go: "Damned lock sticks."  and that's it. It's not really bothering me.

Then one day I look up and I realize that ALL my locks are sticky, all my lightbulbs are out, there are no clean socks or jeans, the trash and recycling haven't been taken out in three weeks and I just threw this year's discarded Christmas tree onto the brown, brittle corpse of last year's tree. In the front yard no less.

Then I feel bad about it.

This is how I roll. I'd like to be the kind of woman who keeps her house clean, maintains a strict television and computer-time schedule for her kid, has a designated time and place for homework, maintains up to date veterinary and pediatric records on everyone, and always knows where her keys are.  But I'm the sort of woman who can't find last year's tax return, starts each Monday morning by being out of bread, milk, and eggs, has a bag of clothes that have needed to be taken to the dry-cleaners for two years, and can't remember what I had for dinner last night, much less which immunizations my kid has had. In fact, right now, I can't remember the name of my kid's pediatrician, which is why I haven't scheduled his annual check-up yet.

(Though to be fair to myself, when we moved to Arkansas, I was obliged to find a new pediatrician for G, a new primary care physician for me, an optometrist for both of us, a dentist, an allergist, an ear-nose-and-throat specialist and an OB-GYN in one year.  I think I can be forgiven for forgetting the name of at least ONE of those.)

All this talk of motivation makes me want to put my head down and have a nap.

Maybe it's seasonal. Everything seems easier to put off in the winter because it's cold.  However, in the spring I put things off because I'd rather be outside planting my garden, or potting flowers, or puttering about. In the summer, it's too hot, and I'd rather be at the river. I don't know what my excuse is for the fall.

Here's a story to illustrate my problem.
A year ago, I found out that my car title was still in my ex husband's name.  So about six months ago, when he was unable (or unwilling) to find the original title, I filed for a replacement title in Oklahoma and got all the paperwork ready. It took me weeks, but I finally got it all signed and notarized and sent it off to the Oklahoma DMV.  They sent it back saying I needed to register the title in Arkansas.

In the meantime, my drivers license and car tags have expired.  Well, to get the license, I will have to take the written and eye exams again. I will also have to supply my birth certificate and all the documentation to prove that I am who I say I am, which in my case will include my marriage license which changed my name from Linda Carole DeBerry to Linda DeBerry Coldwell...my divorce decree, and the court order changing my name from Linda deberry Coldwell to Linda McConnell DeBerry, to explain why my social security card doesn't jibe with my birth certificate.

To get the tag, I have to first get the car appraised for property taxes. Oh, and I have to have a title.  I don't know yet what I have to do to get the title.  I got confused.  And all of it is way past the 30-days deadline that I just this week found out was in place.  So I'm a year and a half into my life in Arkansas, driving without a license, tag, or title.  And I'm confused about what I have to do first.  I think I'll just gather up every piece of documentation I can find and go set up a tent at the DMV.  I know it will likely take one full day, at least, to get everything done.

It wears me out.